


Dear Evan

by nagi_schwarz



Series: The Thellas Chronicles [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 18:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10367244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Multiverse, Any, stumbling across a piece of correspondence they were never supposed to see."Elizabeth is worried about Major Lorne, and then Rodney is worried about Evan, and he shows her the letters Evan has been writing to himself.





	

Elizabeth was strolling along one of the balconies on the middle levels of the central tower to stretch her legs and get some fresh air when she heard a couple of men speaking.  
  
They were Marines, judging by the tone and content of their conversation.  
  
“Did you hear? That one Chair Force logistics guy, not only is he a fuckin’ snake-head, he’s got a girl snake in him to boot.”  
  
Elizabeth paused. It wasn’t a secret, that Major Lorne was host to the Tok’ra Thellas who had, up till Major Lorne, always had female hosts. She’d seen Lorne’s portraits of Thellas’s former hosts. They’d all been beautiful.  
  
“Really? He’s not a very big guy, now that you mention it. Kinda quiet. Hangs around that loudmouthed scientist, McKay.”  
  
“Think he’s sweet on McKay?”  
  
“You mean _she?_ I can’t imagine any _real_ woman who would be.”  
  
“I get working with hot aliens like Teyla, and Teal’c was strong as fuck, but letting a snakehead in the ranks - and a fuckin’ tranny at that - has got to be against some kinda rule, right?”  
  
Elizabeth flinched at the epithet. She knew the American Armed Forces weren’t well-known for their tolerance of alternate sexualities. In some ways they’d been the vanguard of racial tolerance and integration, but -  
  
“Probably. Heard he was sent here because he didn’t ‘fit in’ real well under the Mountain. But you know most of the rules don’t apply out here. The rules weren’t meant for aliens and stuff.”  
  
“Yeah. Our boss is a girl. Who woulda thought?”  
  
Elizabeth’s hands curled into fists. She’d known that a lot of military personnel would question her authority on the mere basis of her gender, regardless of how other women like Samantha Carter had proven themselves more than capable on the front lines of the intergalactic wars being fought. Should she intervene, or -?  
  
“I dare you to say that the next time you’re in bantos training with Teyla.”  
  
“Shit no! I like my balls where they are, thanks. Although the next time we’re in bantos training with the new guy, we should show him what those sticks are really for.”  
  
Elizabeth’s blood ran cold.  
  
“I wouldn’t bet on it. You know being a snakehead makes you super strong, right? There’s a reason he never throws down with Teyla or Ronon, I’m sure.”  
  
Elizabeth considered her options very quickly, then stepped onto the balcony.  
  
The two Marines leaning on the balcony immediately straightened up. One of them tried - and failed - to hide his cigarette.  
  
“Ma’am,” they both said, tones perfectly respectful.  
  
Elizabeth nodded at the both of them. “Marines. Remind me of your names again?”  
  
They told her.  
  
“Don’t think I didn’t see that cigarette,” she said before she swept away.  
  
She counted to forty under her breath, and as soon as she was out of earshot, she got on her radio to Major Teldy and John. Sounded like a whole bunch of Marines - those two were most likely only the tip of the iceberg - needed some sensitivity training. Anne and Teyla would be best equipped to give it to them. Ronon, John assured her, would lend his full support.  
  
Elizabeth brought her concerns to Kate, who reported that Major Lorne seemed to be coping remarkably well to his partnership with Thellas. He’d been cleared by the base psych at Stargate Command before he was allowed to even step foot into a combat situation, let alone through the gate. Kate reported that Thellas was doing well, had developed quite a good working relationship with Rodney and some of the other scientists, and that she was fitting in well.  
  
Elizabeth brought her concerns about Lorne’s safety to John, based on the comments she’d heard from the Marines. John reported that so far Major Lorne was fine, none of the Marines had been overly-rough with him when he did join in on sparring sessions with Ronon and Teyla. Major Teldy informed her that Lorne was performing his duties very well indeed, that Atlantis’s supply lines were running like well-oiled machines.  
  
Neither Teyla nor Ronon reported any suspicions that Lorne had superhuman strength of any kind.

Carson did indicate that Lorne did heal faster, but not quite the same as System Lords who regularly used a sarcophagus, and that both he and Thellas were doing very well (though he confessed that Dr. Barton in Zoology was helping him make sure Thellas received adequate care as well).  
  
So Elizabeth pushed the issue out of her mind, trusting her people to make sure that the only dangers to Atlantis were external.  
  
After the incident with the _Aurora_ , Rodney came to her.  
  
“Can I speak to you alone?” He was fidgeting beside her table in the mess hall.  
  
“Of course. I’ve just finished my meal. Let me take my tray -”  
  
“Kusanagi, get Elizabeth’s tray,” Rodney said.  
  
Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest that she was capable of bussing her own tray, but Kusanagi scurried forward and swept up her tray, and Rodney turned and made a beeline for the doors.  
  
Elizabeth followed him out of the mess hall and into a transporter and out of the transporter and into her own office at a speed that belied the frequent reports of Rodney’s whining about long marches and running offworld.  
  
“What’s the matter, Rodney?” Elizabeth sank into her chair at her desk.  
  
Rodney actually locked the door before he turned to her. “Thellas is - _I’m_ worried about Evan. Major Lorne.” He turned red at the declaration.  
  
Rodney had been one of the only people in senior command who Elizabeth hadn’t brought concerns about Lorne to. “What’s going on with him?”  
  
Rodney darted a hunted look over his shoulder, then unzipped his jacket and drew out a sketchbook. He flipped it open and pushed it across Elizabeth’s desk. “Look.”  
  
The sketchbook was open to a page covered in small sketches of - Atlantis. The mess hall. The control tower. A jumper. John. Carson. Rodney. Teyla. Ronon. Ronon’s tattoo. Ronon’s hands. Elizabeth. Radek.  
  
“I didn’t realize you were so talented,” Elizabeth said, “but I don’t understand.”  
  
Rodney rolled his eyes. “It’s not mine. It’s Evan’s.” Interesting, how he called Major Lorne by his first name when it was fairly widely-known on base that the two of them didn’t get along. Just how much time was Rodney spending with Thellas? She always referred to Major Lorne by his first name.  
  
“You stole Major Lorne’s sketchbook?”  
  
“Thellas brought it to me,” Rodney said. He frowned down at the sketchbook, flipped forward a few more pages. “Look here.”  
  
It wasn’t a drawing. It was a letter.  
  
_Dear Evan,_  
  
_Don’t do it. I know in that moment it’ll seem like a good idea, the perfect idea, the best idea, the_ only _idea, but don’t do it. She’ll save your body, but not your life. Just say no._  
  
_Your Future Self_  
  
Major Lorne had perfectly neat print.  
  
Below it was another letter.  
  
_Dear Evan,_  
  
_The pain will be incredible. The fire in your spine, that terror when you realize you can’t feel your legs, the roar of the Unas behind you - it will seem like the end. It is the end. That’s okay. Because if you say yes to her, it will still be the end._  
  
_Your Future Self_  
  
And yet another.  
  
_Dear Evan,_  
  
_They call it a partnership, but it’s not. You’re a guest in your own body. The place you once owned you will barely rent. You will never be alone, and yet you will be more alone than you’ve ever been before, because you can let no one in, no one close, because no one will trust you. Everyone will think you a monster. You will be cut off from all that is not Stargate Command. You will always have company, but you will never, ever have love. Not even physical connection, because anyone who looks at you, shakes your hand, brushes against you in the hallway, will know that beneath your skin you are no longer human. You’re a snake._  
  
_Don’t do it._  
  
_Your Future Self_

And a final one.  
  
_Dear Evan,_  
  
_If you don’t manage to say no then, say no today. Before it’s too late. You know the patrol schedules. You control the supply lines. Carson likes you. You know how much to take, you know how long it will take, and you know no one will find you before it is done. You know how best to do it so you won’t leave behind a mess. You’ll make sure requisition forms and supply lines are secure for the next eight weeks. It will take at least six weeks to fill the logistics post._  
  
_Your Future Self_  
  
Elizabeth turned the page with shaking hands, dreading yet more letters, but there were none. Just drawings. Of a severed hand. Of a goa’uld sarcophagus. Of hands wielding knives and torches and a pair of pliers and -  
  
The torture. Major Lorne remembered the torture he’d gone through. According to his file, base psych had cleared him, because he’d blacked out, lost consciousness, surrendered total control to Thellas (who’d wiped out the entire population on the planet before getting Major Lorne’s body home). Had Major Lorne lied? Or had he and Thellas and the base psych been all wrong?  
  
Elizabeth turned to the next page, and it was her. Standing on the balcony where she always did, overlooking the gate room, waiting for her teams to come home. Rendered in perfect detail, from the messiness of her hair when she’d rolled out of bed for a middle-of-the-night return to the wrinkles in her jacket to the way she tended to rest her weight on her right foot.  
  
Either Major Lorne had a phenomenal memory, or he’d looked at her for a long, long time.  
  
She turned to the next page, wary.  
  
Another picture of her, this time sitting at her desk, resting her chin in her hand while she read. And another letter.  
  
_Dear Evan,_  
  
_If you say no, you’ll never see her._  
  
_Your Future Self_  
  
Elizabeth closed the sketchbook and gave it back. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Rodney. I’ll have Dr. Heightmeyer schedule a session with Major Lorne immediately. I appreciate what you did, but I cannot approve of you stealing someone else’s personal belongings.”  
  
“Like I said, Thellas gave it to me.” Rodney bit his lip. “She says she didn’t know he was writing those letters, drawing those things. He must be doing it when she’s asleep.”  
  
Elizabeth nodded. “I understand. Now go, and don’t speak of this to anyone, not even Thellas, all right? I’ll handle it from here.”  
  
“Thanks, Elizabeth.” Rodney tucked the sketchbook back into his jacket and ducked out of her office.  
  
Elizabeth got on her radio to Anne immediately, told her to find Major Lorne and distract him on the far side of the city from his quarters until further notice, and if that didn’t work, to have the scientists request Thellas in the lab for an emergency. Then Elizabeth radioed Kate and Carson and told them to meet her at Major Lorne’s door. They needed to search his quarters. 


End file.
